The Lesser Dreams

The Lesser Dreams sang him to sleep and as he lay in the unfeeling black void he was consumed by evil.

People don't believe in evil anymore and that is the power of the perfection of wrong.

I woke up screaming. I had a Night Terror. I'm 52 years old and I woke up screaming as if I was a frighten child. I hear Becky's voice in between my own screams.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's having a Night Terror" Said my son Mark as if it was a natural thing.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it." I said.

I was in Florida on a Island connected by two bridges to the East coast. I was on a family vacation. I was sleeping in a little room next to the larger bedroom in the duplex we were staying at.

Why did I have a Night Terror? I hadn't had a Nightmare in years and now to have a Night Terror on a family vacation.

I wanted to explain it to my son Mark and then without warning I was in Mark's mind or was he in my mind I'm not sure. I was showing him my Night Terror as if that would explain everything to him. A black cocoon of evil was eating me alive and only a single ray of sunlight keep me alive.

This time Mark woke up and began talking about us being in the same dream or that he was in my mind. I'm not sure I was half asleep.

The next day we talked about what happened. It made no sense.

My Favorite Thing

My son Micheal turned 27 years old on August 25th and I drove my parents to Olive Gardens in Lee's Summit Mo for my son's family dinner in celebration of his birthday. My asthma was bad that day and Cordelia was extra sweet to me wanting me to take her for a little walk outside so we could talk.

"Grandpa, my favorite thing is talking to you."

My favorite thing is my family and here are some pictures both old and new of my extended family.

Cordelia, if this blog survives till you're old enough to explore it, know you have been a great joy in my life. I will always love talking to you

Son of the End of the Rainbow

My son leaves a message on my cell phone.

"Dad, something something Crazy something something Rainbow!"

I can only understand three words in the message, Dad, Crazy and Rainbow. My youngest son must be buying something for my grand daughter. Some kind of rainbow toy. I call my son Michael and he says he didn't call and I forget about the message.

About a week later my oldest son Mark calls and tells me he made the message. This is the first time I have ever made the mistake of thinking Mark was Michael on the phone. Mark has almost no Missouri accent and Michael has a thick Missouri draw to his voice like me.

Mark tells me he drove through the end of a rainbow and his car was full of color like mine was years before. Mark had called me when it was happening to him. Mark told me he didn't believe me till it happened to him.

Unless it happens to you I don't expect you to believe me. Sometimes tall tales are replaced by tall truths.

Dang Bear Superstar

The above picture is of my favorite toy in the world. This toy didn't belong to me but to my oldest son Mark Vollrath. This little plush bear was the first toy my son Mark picked out for himself but the name was given to the toy by his mother when she tripped on the bear.

"Dang bear."

Mark mimics his mother.

"Dang Bear!"

The name struck and Mark and Dang Bear became great friends. Mark spent many hours of his young childhood talking to Dang Bear and Dang Bear spoke back in a smaller higher voice coming from my son.

For many years I tried to put Dang Bear into a movie but he wasn't right for any of the parts that came up. Finally the little bear got his big break.

He was cast in a very emotional scene in the short movie "Walking the Graveyard".

I didn't even have him audition for the part.

Grandson

My grandson and son in the first picture on Fourth Christmas Eve:)

Vincent is asleep from his long journey to grandpa.

The First Fall

"You won't have time to give her the shot! She delivers quick after her water breaks!"

"Shut up! Your just the father and I'm a doctor..."

My second son is born. His head misses the needle of the syringe held in the doctor's hand by less than a inch. My newborn son falls towards the floor. The so called doctor drops the syringe and catches my son three inches from the floor.

As my son fell from his mother I see that he is a boy. I am standing 15 feet away from this bungee jump delivery. I have been arguing for hours with people that had no business calling themselves doctors.

Seven hours earlier I'm in the delivery room.

Next to the birthing room was the delivery room (Babies weren't delivered in the delivery room).
A doctor walks in smoking a pipe and my very pregnant wife of a few hours into the past of my second son's birth turns green.

"Get out!"

"Do you know who I am?"

"I don't care who you are or what your title is! Get out of this room with that pipe!"

"I'll be back, this is my hospital!"

"I'm your boss. You work for me. I'm firing you! Find me a doctor that isn't a idiot with a smoking pipe!"

The doctor with a smoking pipe didn't come back but he convinced 40 doctors that my unborn son was dying and I was endangering the child by my attitude towards him.

This was of course a lie as he never examined my wife and I refused to let him or any doctor do an emergency C-section on my wife with no proof she needed one.

I was in a war of words and threats to save the life of my child. I believe the Smoking Pipe Doctor would kill my child out of spite because I dared insulted him.

"If you don't calm down sir, I'll call the police and have you removed from the hospital."

"I have done nothing wrong today. How many laws have you broken in the last few hours."

Doctor after doctor tried to intimidate with lies and I threw the truth back in their faces.

Finally one good doctor came and induced labor. He was a enemy of the smoking pipe doctor and was called from vacation to handle the mess the fool had made.

The good doctor had left to return to his vacation and a group of fools delivered my son.

The student doctor that caught my son inches from the floor began to brag about delivering his first baby and then a few minutes later began to make fun of my wife and I for being poor.

He complained about how little money he was going to make off my wife and I with our low income plan. I finally lost my temper and asked the student doctor to step outside.

"Are you threatening me?"

"It's more like a promise to show you how I can put the tip of your nose on your right cheek bone. All day long my wife and I have been insulted and I believe you would be wise not to say another word to either one of us."

Somehow my son survived that birthday. I remember the student doctor walking away without saying another word. Years later the hospital closed and the building was demolished.

My youngest son Micheal Sterling Vollrath turned 26 the day I began to write this post.

Toxic Barrels

I remember the first time I saw the barrels. The barrels were in a lot next to the house I was renting an apartment in Holden Missouri with my newlywed wife Jackie. I remember looking at the barrels through a fence and wondering what was inside the mystery drums.

Then there was the stories in the local newspaper about the barrels being full of toxic waste.
The local paper said the toxic waste in the barrels had been dumped in ponds, lakes and streams.
I never fished in the area around my hometown again.

Years passed and I didn't think about the toxic barrels. Halfway between Holden and Kingsville they built a facility to deal with the toxic barrels. I remember I heard the rumble in the distance one night. My sons were teenagers then and my oldest son Mark had climbed a near by water tower with his friend Jeff.

Mark and Jeff watched the facility burn from a distance. How the fire started is an unknown.
I remember later that night Mark describing the barrels exploding up into the night sky like some kind of giant toxic fireworks.

Health Careless

The Doctor was smoking a pipe in the Birthing Room.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Does the pipe bother you and your wife?"

"Yes! Get out of the room!"

"I'll be back."

The fat man dressed as a doctor said in anger as he left the birthing room.

The fat doctor returned with more doctors and they told me my unborn child was endangered because the cord was wrapped around his or hers neck.

"I don't believe you."

"I'm a doctor how can you question my opinion?"

"I question your opinion because you're an arrogant stupid doctor without any proof. Now I want to talk to your superior in this hospital."

A few minutes later his superior entered the birthing room.

"What seems to be the problem?"

I was about to make a bad decision that could have killed my son.

"I want you to induce labor before your staff of keystone cop doctors kill my unborn child."

Without saying another word the fool doctor did just that.

Before I go on let me say there are many good doctors and hospitals in the world but this place wasn't a good hospital and no good doctors were to be found.

"I was in the labor room watching the so called doctor prepare to give my then wife a shot for the pain before doing a.....

Work in Progress. More to come....

Always say Goodbye

My mother was angry at my Grandfather English for leaving without saying goodbye. I guess this happened in the late 1940's or early 1950's. He had just learned to type and gave her this note.

She carries it with her in her purse to remember his love for her.

I forgot to say goodbye to my Grand Daughter. No, that's not true. I thought I didn't need to say goodbye to my Grand Daughter.

Her mother was changing her diaper in the back room and I just left.

When I got home the phone rang.

"Dad, you didn't say goodbye to Cordelia and she has been crying and looking for you for three hours! Talk to her on the phone. She won't go to sleep and you've broke her little heart. She wanted to play with you."

"Cordelia, Grandpa is sorry. I love you."

"Rhhaahh Rha Rhhhhaaaaah!"

"Please forgive me Cordelia."

"Ahhh Ah Ahhh Rhaa."

Mike my son comes back on the phone.

"I think she'll go to sleep now but is she angry with you!"

Birthday Boy and the Coughing Game

On August 25th, 2008 my youngest son Micheal Sterling Vollrath was 25 years old.

I didn't want to go out that day as my asthma was as bad as it gets. I never wanted Cordelia my 11 month old grand daughter to see me in such bad shape. I couldn't keep from coughing and I was afraid that would scare little Cordelia.

It was my son's birthday so of course I had to go. I love Micheal so much. We never had a strong connection when he was growing up but our adult relationship has been wonderful. Oh, we still fight over things now and then but one of us says he's sorry and we move on. I'm very proud of Micheal and how good a husband and father he is.

I meet Amanda, Micheal and Cordelia at a Lee's Summit restaurant. Lee's Summit is about halfway between Kingsville Mo. and Independence Mo. As I pulled into the restaurant parking lot I saw my little grand daughter holding on to her father's hand walking in half circles.

My grand daughter looked smaller to me. She was a toddler now and walking her baby fat off with pride glowing from her face. Her father was my little boy and seeing the two together warmed my heart. As I got out of my car and walked towards them Cordelia looked up at me, so proud she was a world class walker now. In that moment she was the most beautiful child in the world to me.

We went into the restaurant and Amanda my Daughter-in-Law had got us a table. As I sat down I began to cough. I looked at Cordelia worried she would be scared. She was laughing and looking at me as if to say, what new game is this grandfather? This made me laugh and cough more and in turn Cordelia laughed more.

The next day Micheal and Cordelia came to see my parents at the Vollrath Complex in Kingsville. I began coughing again and this time Cordelia made little coughing noises. Everyone laughed. I've never had so much fun having asthma before.

The Icicle Compass

It was a cold February afternoon in a year I can't remember. My sons Mark and Micheal were in grade school but I can't remember the number of their ages. After the divorce my heart was shattered into a billion pieces and I tried to forget. I forgot the good along with the bad. I forgot so much and I forgot about the Icicle Compass.

The Icicle Compass was a piece of magic I conjured from my imagination in a moment of anger.
If my oldest son Mark hadn't reminded me of the Icicle Compass it would have been a lost story.

I parked the family station wagon in front of Noah's Pets.

" Come on boys lets go get your mother."

The three of us jumped out of the family transportation. We ran through the cold to the pet store. The three of us looked at her behind the counter.

"I'm sorry boys I have to work late."

"Come on mom. You could have told us before we left town."

"They just asked me. You know we need the money."

"What are we going to do now? Everything is closed because of the ice storm!"

I don't remember which boy asked what. I just remember being angry at her.

"Boys head out to the car. I'll be with you in a second."

As soon as my sons were outside the pet store I turned to Jackie.

"You could have said no."

"You know I couldn't do that."

I left the pet store full of anger. If made more money she could have said no. That's what she was saying.

I followed my sons out to the station wagon and slammed the door as I got in. My hands griped the steering wheel as my knuckles were turning white I felt like tearing the wheel off the column.

"What are we going to do Dad?"

Said one of my sons.

I was looking at my broken hood ornament when my son asked the question. For a couple of years when my sons were in grade school every punk's favorite crime in America was stealing hood ornaments. My hood ornament was protected by a spring loaded cable at the base but a more determined kind of punk twisted the shield design out of the center of ring of my Ford's hood art.

I then saw the giant icicles hanging off the fronts of stores in the Truman Corners strip mall.

"Have you boys ever heard of The Icicle Compass?"

"No dad, what's that?"

"I'll show you."

I got out of the station wagon and walked over to the largest icicle I could find.

I'll need a story to make this work. I can't remember what that story was.

I broke a five foot long icicle off and walked back to the family wagon. I shoved the icicle into the broken hood ornament. It balanced on the first try. Sometimes you get lucky.

I got back in the station wagon and told the kids the story. Now I'm going to tell you a story. It's not the story because that is lost to my memory but this story is true as it still comes from my heart.

"In the age of the Vikings when the Viking Kings were honor bond to do battle with the Ice Giants in the further most lands of the Viking Realm, Icicle Compasses were used to find the Ice Giants. Giant Icicles hung in metal rings from the front of great sleds the size of houses pulled by a hundred reindeer were driven by Viking children. Only the children of the Vikings could lead them to the magical gates hidden in the ice covered wastelands of the north. For only the Viking children had imaginations pure enough to find the Ice Giants."

My sons laughed.

"Now my fine sons it is up to you to drive this wagon of steel into the magical gate into the realm of the ice giants. For in another lifetime I was Viking Prince and now it is time to do battle with the Ice Giants once again for they have given us too harsh a winter!"

"Dad we can't drive, we're just kids."

" Are you not Knights of the Red Boot? You will do as your father bids you to do!"

Both my sons were laughing and looking at each other.

" Mark you are the oldest of my sons. Get thy self behind the wheel of this motorised chariot!"

I moved over in the front seat. Mark got in the driver's side and he got the station wagon going.

"See how the Icicle Compass moves in its magical ring. Just follow it and we will drive through the magical gate."

Mark followed the Icicle Compass in loops around the vast ice wastelands of the parking lot.
Soon the Icicle Compass became stuck and it was my youngest son Micheal's turn to follow the Icicle Compass.

"Dad, what if a policeman see me driving?"

"Don't worry, the Icicle Compass makes us invisible to the outside world. Now drive my son of great heart."

Both sons changed places many times that day following the Icicle Compass and they laughed with great joy but we never did find that magic gate or did we?

Next Post; Girl in a Fountain. A dark vision that changed the politics of a city.

River and Stone

River and Stone or as they are seen in this photo, Stone and River. The names I wanted to give my sons but didn't. My then wife had a say in the choosing of names as it should be.

River flows in deep thoughts, sometimes underground with darkness all around. In his soul are the secrets of the river. Old as time and yet ever changing and young of heart in ways he doesn't understand yet.

Stone is stronger in mind, body and spirit than his father or brother. He is a rock. Born too early and yet born a fighter. The first three months he did not cry or should I say couldn't cry.
His tiny hand wrapped around my finger and me with my eyes transfixed on the beating heart below thin skin as his ribs had not grown together yet. "Please God let him live" I would say in a whisper. Most children come into this world cradled by a doctor's loving hands. Stone fell into the world caught a few inches from the floor by a foolish and incompetent doctor.

River came to me the morning he was to go to school for the first time.

"Wake up father, you need to fix me breakfast. I have dressed myself and have your clothes laying out. Now hurry I don't want to be late on my first day."

I think he did a good job of raising me.

Stone was in trouble at school (I think this happened in the sixth grade?), his teacher told me he had gotten into a fight. She didn't want to give him in school suspension but she had too.

"Your son beat up a bully that was picking on a mentally challenged girl. I wish I could give him a metal. He has stopped the bullying."

My hero.

I love my sons with all my heart and soul.