Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

Monday, February 20, 2012

Response to Spacevidcast, 2, 19, 2012


Unedited footage (I started out in film & I still use that term) of a response to Spacevidcast on You Tube.

You can see me waiting for the video loop to cycle in the first few seconds. In editing I cut the front of the video off and added a title. In the finished video I didn't have a mouth as the video went widescreen and I decided the Sun, Saturn and Neptune didn't belong in the video.

I'll wait a day to reshot this video with more NASA footage of the Moon, Mars and Asteroids.

I was drawing concept pages for Desiree Nordlund's  graphic novel "The Recreators" but my father lost his balance and fell into a glass table. Thank God he wasn't hurt but this unnerved me and I switch to putting together this video. 

Stress doesn't bother me in making videos but affects my drawings.

While this video was a failure it did calm me down enough to get back to drawing.





Sunday, January 22, 2012

Family Photos


I get a Big Head & Cordelia goes with the flow.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Sue Ann Niermeier


I attended the funeral of Sue Ann Niermeier today.

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Cordelia and Grandpa Shows


Cordelia is starting to get use to the webcam.


She loves the pop art effect.


Cordelia finds Deep Space.


Time Warp........

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Cordelia Webcam Festival (Family Only)


Several tests shots that only family members should watch. 

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Double Dogma

I have many bad pictures of myself. The above picture is of me with an insane smile on my face and my grandson bored with just another photo op. Looking at this picture I think of a question my oldest son once asked me when he was a boy.

"Do you believe in Science or Religion dad?"

"I don't believe in either one."

"What!?"

"One is the politics of faith and the other is the politics of facts."

"What do you believe in?"

"I believe in Imagination. That is much better than the double dogma that most people believe in."

Is your life eaten by the Jesus Fish or the Darwin Fish? Are you still fishing like me and using your imagination to think about what is really in the water of life?

Monday, December 12, 2011

Everything and Nothing at All



The Age of Magic lasted from December 11, 1975 to December 11, 2011. It lasted in me me that long but it didn't feel like 36 years, it felt like a billion years. I'm tired, so very tired. I gave my magic away.

A few weeks after I gave my magic away I became very ill and started to go blind in my left eye.
It was like a candle flickered in my eye as my vision was a flame dying out. Each morning I expected to wake blind in one eye. My father is blind in one eye from a stroke and I thought that would be my fate too.

I went to my grand daughter's house to play with her, hoping to see her with two eyes for as long as I could. As I rubbed my closed left eye in pain my grand daughter Cordelia watched me.

"All your magic is gone Grand Dad."

I think to myself ; "Does this four year old know that I gave her magic given to me by my Grand Mother English ?"

"What happened to my magic?"

"You gave it all to me."

I smile. "May I have some of it back?"

"Just a little bit. I need most of it."

She puts her right hand over my left eye and the pain goes away. The stress of taking care of my 82 year old parents left me.

As I leave my Grand Daughter's house she leaves me with four year old words of wisdom.

"Always keep some of the magic for your self Grand Dad. Everyone needs a little magic."

Over the next few days my vision improves.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

This Side of Anger





I'm at a funeral. I don't want to be there but I am. I'm there for my former wife Jackie Goss. I watch as she takes the hand of her grand daughter, our grand daughter to her mother's coffin.

The casket is open as we are at the visitation. Brave little Cordelia walks towards the dead body of a great grand mother she never knew in life and meets her for the first time in death.

Cordelia stops ten feet from the casket holding her dead grandmother and won't go another step. Jackie speaks to her about her mother.

For some reason I need to put or get something from my Daughter-In- Law's van and return to the visitation as the Minister talks about the life of my former Mother-In- Law.

The minister said something that shocks me, he talks about Helen's anger. The one thing we had in common, my former Mother- In- Law Helen and I were both angry people.

Did we get along? I wish we had more than we did. We had terrible fights both feeding off each others anger. I could never hate Helen because many of the things she said against me were true. Without her life I would not had known Jackie and would not have the sons I have now and I would not have the beautiful grandchildren I have now.

I wonder if a minister will say I was a angry man after my death. I hope not.

Then I get ready to leave the visitation and go home but my grand daughter wants me to go to graveside. My son Micheal is a pall bearer and so I drive to Waverly MO from Holden MO.

Once again I plan to go home but my grand daughter wants me to come to the family get together held at a lakeside park. So I go.

Jackie's family doesn't hate me as I imagined they would. I'm talking to my Daughter-In-Law when she gets into a verbal fight with my Grand Daughter. The fight doesn't end well and I take Cordelia to a swing to have a heart to heart talk to her about anger.

In the above photo you can see me talking to the still angry red cheek little girl.

Then two step cousins come over and I push the three in a swing. Their father is a Mexican National in this country without the right kind of papers. He has called me on the phone many times. I thought he was angry at me because I wouldn't give him any information over the phone as to the location of his children. Carol Goss the mother of his children said he was more frustrated by his English skills than anything.

I wonder if I'm a racist and I'm just projecting my own fears about Mexicans in the United States. Then I look down at the two girls talking about how their mothers don't understand them and a little boy looking up at me smiling and happily talking to me in words I can't understand. It's English but at a pitch I can't hear.

What right do I have to keep these beautiful children from having a relationship with their father? What if he takes them and the mother never sees her children again? I could be wrong either way. I keep pushing the swing.

Months later I see the photo of my two grandchildren together, Cordelia and Denver. I think I could see Denver more often if I had better control of my anger and didn't argue with his father so much. Breaks my heart.

Yesterday my youngest son wakes me and tells me I'm depressed and begins talking about suicide. I'm not depressed I just have so little sleep during the week. My 82 year old father stays up to three in the morning most days. Most days I get three to five hours of sleep broken into two sleep periods. I'm always tired. Neither of my parents can hear well and I am can't sleep from the TV blaring. I hate sleeping to the gunfire of westerns as I always dream of war.

My son tells me I need to cut off contact with someone because he has. I refuse. My day is ruined after my son leaves. I'm full of doubt about myself and can't draw or do art. I'm angry.

My mother comes home with my father and I fell guilt for not driving him and my mother when I learn he had a near miss on the road. This could happen to anybody I tell myself but it doesn't make me fell any better.

I get my anger under control just as my Son, Daughter-In-Law and sweet Grand Daughter come to the door.

"Well you didn't commit suicide."

My youngest son says in cruel humor. Where is the sweet man that takes care of the mentally challenged?

All my anger comes back but I hide it as best I can so my Grand Daughter can't see it.

Why would my son talk to me like that? Was I that bad a father to him? I try to get away from him and go to my studio. I try to control my anger but he follows me. He bullies me in my studio and I take it. Today I'm putting a lock on my studio door.

Today a lock will be my side of anger.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Carol Goss & Jackie Goss

I've decided not to post my address so a family can be in contact with their children.

Call and leave your contact information and I'll get it to the mother of your children.

Be nice when you call.

Because of a series of phone calls I won't be posting photos of my family or family events on this blog.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Becky and Mark



Somewhere in that photo is a Space Shuttle in the background. Becky and Mark had to put up with me and my broken mind during the trip and I got a taste of what my parents must feel like around me (Not really as my 82 year old parents have better minds than I do).

I love them both for being such good parents to my grandson.

Friday, August 27, 2010

My Favorite Thing














My son Micheal turned 27 years old on August 25th and I drove my parents to Olive Gardens in Lee's Summit Mo for my son's family dinner in celebration of his birthday. My asthma was bad that day and Cordelia was extra sweet to me wanting me to take her for a little walk outside so we could talk.

"Grandpa, my favorite thing is talking to you."

My favorite thing is my family and here are some pictures both old and new of my extended family.

Cordelia, if this blog survives till you're old enough to explore it, know you have been a great joy in my life. I will always love talking to you

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Mermaid Monday; On Tuesday



Crystal St Romain

She is a Mermaid to me because she swims through the dangerous ocean of life. She is a friend and I even think of her as part of my extended family. She is the bravest person I know. I feel I can't tell you why I think she is so brave at the writing of this post.

If I had a daughter I would want her to be like Crystal. May the One Soul bind you to all the love in the universe Crystal and may happiness roll out before your feet.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Nose Switch

I can turn off my sense of smell now by force of will. I've had a weak sense of smell since 1975.
I didn't know I could turn it off until last Thanksgiving when I buried a pet cat and didn't want to smell death as I put him in his small grave.

The bad thing about this is I couldn't taste anything but the mustard in the deviled eggs and the sage in the dressing.

"Dad is this chicken or turkey?"

"Chicken, can't you taste it?"

"Just warm shapes in my mouth dad."

What a waste of a Thanksgiving meal.

It takes me three days to turn off my sense of smell and I haven't figured how to turn it back on yet. I can taste food again but my sense of smell is almost gone. I fear this mind experiment went too far.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I Love Amanda


Amanda is my Daughter in Law and a wonderful person. I believe she is the best possible woman my son Micheal could have married. She has given me a wonderful grandchild.

The above picture is of Amanda, Cordelia and Micheal. Soon after this picture was taken Amanda had her hair cut short and donated the cuttings to make a wig for a child with cancer.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Grandfather Green Tie & The Invisible Picnic #1

This is a first draft of the first chapter of my novel, Grandfather Green Tie & The Invisible Picnic.

The title is a working title and this first chapter is a work in progress with many changes to come.

The Trial

The judge was a vampire. Not the vampire of legend but a creature of ancient wisdom bound by hate. No vampire had took the soul of a human in over a thousand years. This judge had taken the life of the last vampire that did so.

The courtroom was shaped like a pseudo-sphere. This false sphere was almost the total opposite of a sphere. The constant negative curvature offered good viewing for all the projected souls that were in the courtroom.

The chamber was filled with a saline solution called the Tears of the Innocent. The billions of tears swirled in a vortex of high pressure that held the walls of oil at bay.

In a tradition older than human recorded history the Court of Alchemy and Magic was convened
underground in a pool of oil beneath the wastelands of Eden. Today one that called himself Grandfather Green Tie was on trail for unleashing the Gossip Army upon the world with secrets no human should know. Embers of war burned above the court this session and two of the four rivers of the garden had dried up.

Judge Ophiuchus projected his thoughts and all in the court were quiet of mind.

"You have given this court your spiritual name as that of Grandfather Green Tie. Is this the truth by your quantum of the universal mind?"

"Your understanding of the truth is too limited to give you an answer that would have any meaning."

Grandfather Green Tie projected those thoughts as if he spoke in quiet monotones. The three members of the family that spirit was with him in this pool of tears knew what that meant.

He had just declared a war of words with Judge Ophiuchus. The vampire judge's soul burned bright in rage.

"Your arrogance will seal your fate!"

The judge unbound a tesseract scroll in four dimensions. Echos of living words danced from the parchment made from slices of heaven.

"This scroll tells me you are an Angelic Wraith haunting your own flesh and nothing more.
Why did you unleash the Gossip Army with hidden truths upon a world of shallow dreams?"

Grand Father Green Tie filled every tear in the vortex of the court with singing rainbows made of fragments of infinite imagination.

The judge twisted in agony from the beauty.

"In the thought patterns we call words heretic!"

The singing rainbows faded from the false reality of the court. Grand Father projected words as the judge ordered.

"I did so to save the world, one imagination at a time."

"A fool's mission for one that touched the mind of God."

"Better a fool's mission than a shield of lies to shade one from the truth."

Lois English dressed in white light floated next to her Grand Son and touched his arm saying;

"Bobby you must stop this. The judge can kill you in the living world and shred your soul in the afterlife."

The judge smiled.

"Listen to your Grand Mother, Bobby. You don't want to be seed stock for a thousand new souls do you?"

"When you fell from heaven how did it feel?"

Everyone felt the pain of the vampire judge as his anger exploded in a flash of pure hate.

"Silents Bobby or I'll shred every soul in this courtroom!"

"Grandfather please. If not for yourself then for your family and friends."

Olivia was playing the part her grandfather had cast her in. A look of regret came over the judge's soul as the embers of anger burned within him.

"You have played me for the fool I am Bobby. Not even a judge as powerful as I could threaten the lives protected by the Tears of the Innocent. Moments ago an iron spike was driven through my heart as I lay sleeping in my chrysalis. My brothers have killed me in a bid for power but I will have my revenge. I am no longer your judge, I will be your Night Terrors and countless torture awaits you in your dreams."

The wraith vampire that was once a judge exploded out of the courtroom and in his place was an old and twisted pear tree. In a voice that sounded like the rustle of leaves on a windy day the Tree Judge spoke.

"I am the last seedling from the Tree of Life and I live only in the heart of Grandfather Green Tie. None of your tricks can work on me dear Bobby for my life was spun from the imagination of the One Soul. Your voice will be silent for the rest of this session."

With that said the snake cuffs around Grandfather's wrists bit each others throat binding his voice. The magical cuffs were one snake body with heads at either end and none had broke free of their power.

"I will judge you in the light of truth and know if you have cast lies at the world by the Gossip Army."

The Tree Judge was a friend that was killed by the axe of Ophiuchus. To be judged by a friend was much harder than to be judged by an enemy.

"What family members living or dead stand for this man?"

Lois English dressed in the brightest of white light floated before the Tree Judge. She had been a Caretaker for the last Queen of Trees and after her death Bobby Vollrath her grandson had failed to save the tree. The vampires had hunted the tree for over a hundred thousands years to kill the last living link to the Garden of Eden. Grandfather Green Tie's heart broke as he watched the Caretaker and the Queen of Trees meet in this world between the living and the dead.

"As his maternal grandmother I will be his Spirit Guide and turn him from evil when I can."

Olivia Vollrath floated up towards the judge as her Great Great Grandmother returned to her Grandfathers side.

"As his first Grand Daughter I will guide his heart in his final days of life."

Before her words were finished her cousin Vincent Vollrath floated beside her.

"As his first Grandson I will guide his mind in the final days of his life."

Grandfather could not speak but his imagination was beyond science or magic. He looked down at the snake cuffs binding his hands.

He thought to himself.

"We are all nothing, only our dreams give us any measure of reality. I must remember that."

The Pear Tree Judge limbs moved over the courts stone bench picking up the imaginary construction that resembled a green neck tie.

"What is this Bobby? I found no link to your own personal mythology. Why do you focus all the power of your imagination in this green tie? Why do you call yourself Grandfather Green Tie?"

The green tie turned into the snake handcuffs in the branches of the Pear Tree Judge.

Around the wrists of Grandfather Green tie was the green tie of his namesake. The green tie came to life wrapping around Grandfather's left arm. The other end of the tie elongated to the center of the chamber. The tie and the Grandfather disappeared into a sphere of bright yellow light. A gateway to the realm of the living.

The Pear Tree Judge cried for the boy that once climbed her branches. He was a criminal now and he would be hunted by a vampire.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Bubba





We didn't name this cat but I guess we must admit he's our cat now. Half starved and near death when he came into our lives Bubba was ran over by a car. A next door neighbor took him to the vet and we started to feed him out of pity. He had a foot long bald scar on his back for months.

Now he is a proud fat cat and wears a collar we put around his neck. He loves my grand daughter and she loves him. What a wonderful friend he has become.

Three cat pictures for three comments.

Speedcat gets the last picture of Bubba for his comment.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Worst Grandpa Picture


The first Christmas with Denver and Cordelia and I'm the goofy gramps in the worst photo of my life. Don't cry Denver I'm not this ugly, I'm just having a bad face day.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Photos of a Grand Daughter and Grandpa





I bought two saxophones from an artist friend and decided to do a photo session with my grand daughter using the musical instruments as props.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Rational January

This year has been good to me so far. No visions, hallucinations or premonitions in January.

The dark visions of last year didn't come true. Glad to be wrong.

Both my sons called after President-Elect Obama became President Obama. Happy that our world had changed. Mark
(My oldest son) called the change the greatest gift of his life.

My youngest son Micheal is the Godfather for two African American children. Their father is also named Mike and the last time I saw Mike he beamed with pride.

A very good January so far.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My Mother is 80 Years Old Today

Happy Birthday Mother!

She prayed for a son with talent and I her only child was born.

I love her beyond all my dreams and thank God for her kindness and faith in me.