DMT and Me

Wild speculation as why I was able to have visions any time I wanted from 1975 to 2011.

I have never been drunk or taken illegal drugs in my life, including DMT.

Death and Infinity

My own Near Death makes me wonder about the nature of time.

Past Life Travel

Can we travel to our past lives in this life?

Time Travel

Can the human soul project into the past and future?

Finished Nightmare

I was in a Nightmare. A chop shop of imagination. It was a Money Coward's Paradise.

I was tempted with objects both lost and found. I rejected all things and was given to Hell.

Hell had no effect on me for I had found inner peace. Then I was asked to kill myself for other people's dreams.

I said I would die for my dreams and no one else's.

Five demons attacked me, wanting me to die for their dreams. I killed two of them and let three live a Money Coward's Hell.

The Lesser Dreams

The Lesser Dreams sang him to sleep and as he lay in the unfeeling black void he was consumed by evil.

People don't believe in evil anymore and that is the power of the perfection of wrong.

I woke up screaming. I had a Night Terror. I'm 52 years old and I woke up screaming as if I was a frighten child. I hear Becky's voice in between my own screams.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's having a Night Terror" Said my son Mark as if it was a natural thing.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it." I said.

I was in Florida on a Island connected by two bridges to the East coast. I was on a family vacation. I was sleeping in a little room next to the larger bedroom in the duplex we were staying at.

Why did I have a Night Terror? I hadn't had a Nightmare in years and now to have a Night Terror on a family vacation.

I wanted to explain it to my son Mark and then without warning I was in Mark's mind or was he in my mind I'm not sure. I was showing him my Night Terror as if that would explain everything to him. A black cocoon of evil was eating me alive and only a single ray of sunlight keep me alive.

This time Mark woke up and began talking about us being in the same dream or that he was in my mind. I'm not sure I was half asleep.

The next day we talked about what happened. It made no sense.

Great Grandmother's Wig

My former wife Jackie Goss sent an email expressing concern that I wasn't posting on this blog for a while. I have been in a bad way for a while. My mind hasn't worked very well and I want to sleep 16 hours a day. I've just came down from the longest run of positive thinking in my life and I have a plan to get back there.

For a time I'm going to post pictures of my grandchildren. The children of the world are the only truth I can believe in for the moment.

I Bigot

I love all the people of the world. I even love people that hate me. If you know me and I have ever said anything to hurt you, I ask that you forgive me.

I have a strong belief of what is right and wrong that makes me a bigot sometimes. I am not perfect and I don't even believe in the concept of perfect but many times I believe I know the answers to things I don't.

I am tired of people talking down one another and have found myself doing that more than I wish. Are any of us God and know all things?

The picture of Cici and my Grand Daughter makes me wish the two of them never have to know a world of bigotry.

Into the Light

What is dying? What is the soul?

I've had several near deaths in this life.

I've have past life memories.

I've have many visions.

I'm a sceptic of myself.

Where does reality end and my imagination begin?

Do we believe what we find comfort in?

I went into the light before I knew there were other people that had seen that light.

Does being a sceptic mean I must believe in a random reality?

Imagination is the Key to the Soul

I believe in Time Travel, Mind Reading and Group Minds.

No, I have no proof.

I am a sceptic of myself.

As a child I was given an IQ test. I did very poorly on that test getting a very low number but the man that gave be the test did not think I was retarded because of one part of the test. I got a perfect score on one part of that IQ test.

1863, a year of burning hell as I watch four people hang from a burning ruins.

I am a scribe and am full of joy as the electricty in the air makes the hair on my arms stand on end. I breath in the fog of the Gods belching from the three pyramids. The Gods walk among us as the seeds of dogma mix with the air born drugs.

I watch an electric jet plane fly over my house with my oldest son. In that moment I know that the Air Force is flying planes with atomic reactors.

I sleep in the cool green pyramids of a future Earth.

What was that part of the IQ test that I scored a perfect score ?

Its None of your Business

I'm angry. I haven't been angry about anything in a very long time. I took a day off from writing, graphic novels and everything else. A family member wanted to know the name of the woman I went to see today.

"Its none of your business."

The family member got angry at me.

"What do you mean its none of my business?"

I made jokes about it but never answered the question.

I'm tired of the hate speech, the mean gossip and the ugly rumors. I'm tired of people who take such great joy in thinking the worst of me. I'm tired of small minded people with so much hate in their hearts trying to destroy my life.

Why not work on your own life? Why don't you look for the good in people?

I forgive you but I'm tired of playing your sick game.

Its none of your business.

I Like Robots Grandpa.

"I like robots Grandpa."

My Grand Daughter looks at me with eyes that say her world is bigger than Doll Houses and Dolls.

"I like dinosaurs too."

As a Grandpa I forget that girls can like anything and be anything today.

"I like robots and dinosaurs too. Would you like to play with some robot toys?"

"Yes Grandpa."

We play with some toy robots and the next day at a thrift store my Grand Daughter buys a Batgirl Doll and a 50 cent VHS copy of Jurassic Park.

Grandpas can be taught new ways to think about Grand Daughters and should be. Thanks Grand Daughter, lesson learned.

Writer with the Broken Brain

I hurt.

My eyes hurt.

My mind hurts.

266 pages. Is that all? Not enough for three features. Yesterday I passed out in front of my 82 year old mother. I hurt.

It was a nightmare of writing and I was awake and trapped in it. I can't spell. No that's not true. I can spell when I'm very angry.

I'm a Grand Father and can't be angry anymore. I hurt and the pain is more than I can bear but I must bear it for I am a Grand Father.

"You are retarded". How many times have i heard that?

"You are a Genius." How many times have I heard that?

What I am, is a human being trying as hard as he can. I am the smartest dumb person I know. I do my best. Its all I can do.

"You're not trying hard enough. You use your car wreak as an excuse. You just need to try harder."

Said to me by someone I love. I hurt.

The 'p', 'd', 'b' all look the same to me. My field of vision flips. My head feels like it's going to explode. My chest feels like it's going to explode. I pass out in front of my 82 year old mother and she cries. All because I write and it hurts.

I'm not a writer, I know that. I am a storyteller, but I must write to tell my stories. God it hurts so much!

Its not that car wreak I have flash backs to but the operation.

The doctor puts his knee on my chest as I lie on the operation table. I am awake as no drug can put me to sleep. I keep quiet as I need my nose pulled out of my brain. The doctor raises a pink rubber mallet and slams it down on my nose. I don't care because I feel no pain. The doctor breaks my nose over and over again.

"Why is that rubber mallet pink? It looks like my auto body mallet that is white. Could they use my auto body mallet? They could cut my left arm off now and I wouldn't care. Maybe that's how I lose my left arm. The doctors find out I'm awake and it makes them mad and they cut my arm off to teach me a lesson. Why is that mallet pink? I've lost count how many times he broke my nose with that mallet. Why is that mallet pink? I'm bored, I should take a nap."

In the darkness is the other me. The dead me.

"Stay asleep. You don't need to watch this." says dead me.

"Are they cutting my arm off?"

I wake up but is is hard to see. My nose is wide. There is metal on or by my face, no both. The doctor has a chisel in my nose.
I hear the sound of the doctor cutting my nose lose from my skull. The doctor is finished.

"I'm stepping back to let the neurosurgeon have access."

A doctor I never met before steps into my field of view. He has what looks like needle nose pliers but with flat paddles. He reaches into my spread out nose. Stretched out by metal re-tractors the doctor has no problem pulling the inside of my nose out of my brain.

After I am released from the hospital I have an appointment with the doctor.

"You will for the rest of your life have a chance of having strokes."

Not something a 17 year old wants to hear.

Before I'm 30 years old I have a massive stroke. The left side of my body is paralyzed for 8 hours. The two doctors that gave me the drug overdose that caused the stroke discus who is going to take the blame for my death but I don't die. For years the left side of my body is numb. Sometimes I get cuts on my left arm or leg and don't feel it.

2002, I have a stroke and forget everything. For three minutes I'm little more than a animal and have no words to think with.

2010, I have a stroke two days before Christmas.

I forget how to draw and write. I must learn everything again. I must finish a script that is three scripts. I can't do simple math even now.

I call it a memory drop because I am ashamed that my mind is so weak that I have strokes. I don't take drugs to repair my mind. I use my imagination to heal my mind and rewire my brain as best I can.

Nothing hurts more than writing. It is a dagger in my mind but I write anyway.

"You're not trying hard enough."

To the the person that said that to me; I forgive you and pray you never know how wrong you are.

I'm a writer with a broken brain and I'm trying as hard as I can.

I want to be a Micro Nation

The above images are all the flags of Micro Nations I could find in 30 minutes. I've decided to start my own Micro Nation for fun and will be posting my Micro Nation flag next week.

Brain Crash

Bad day as my mind isn't working right. Fighting to finish things. Nothing feels right.

Blog Vacation or the Half Eaten Dream

I don't know when I'll get back to this blog. I have contracts to write and more scripts than is rational to take on at the same time. I am writing three feature length scripts at the moment and putting together a pitch not only for myself but for people I feel are more talented than I.

Then I have paintings to do with hands that don't work right. I had high hopes of being a painter of fine art before my car wreak. My fingers don't move the way my mind tells them too.

Each year they get worse and I must face the fact my days as a artist are coming to a end.

Three more paintings and then I must say goodbye to an old dream. In a few weeks I hope to be back to this blog with some wonderful news.

Half of Forever People

I would like to tell you that I am a very old and wise soul but that would be a lie. I am a very young and foolish soul.

A soul in my humble view of the outer reagents of reality is but a fragment of eternity. In the church of the inside of my skull, I pray to the God, Goddess and the One Soul that binds us all.

What saddens me is I try to ignore the Half of Forever People. You know these people but you have no idea what a wonderful place they hold in the spirit world.

I wish I could talk to people about what I know to be true. I have no proof for any of it.

I find I'm too scared to write about it in this post.

Okay this is going to be a long post with many stops and starts. I believe everything is alive and imagination is the life force. Everything is a single life form and our lifetimes are sense organs for this One Soul. Death is a flowering of the soul. All of us are each other in a spirit world with no bounds of time and space. We are are all the good and all the bad that will be and has been and is.

Imagination is the advise of souls near this life time. A whisper of dreams as we sleep. A vision in a waking dream. The urge to do something. Sometimes we are puppets of the spirit world.

My belief system is rapidly evolving and with it I reject all other belief systems. This does not mean I believe I'm right and everyone else is wrong. It means I am on a personal journey and I refuse to have my imagination trapped by science or faith defined by a past that may or may not be true.

I believe in mind reading on an universal scale. What we call the dead are reading our minds and we sometimes read the dead minds of the past, present and future. In our waking hours we are bound by our own imaginations for the most part but in our sleep we can travel to other souls and to combinations of realities and imagination dreamscapes.

Sleep is a soul gate that helps us bind to the universal mind and helps us see in new realities. Our focused or current soul can travel trough time and space with the help of this universal mind. We have all the future and past lives with all the realities and possible realities.

All is paradox. The impossible is a lack of will and imagination bond to the limitations of the past dogma of science, faith and culture. Politics is a coward's playground as you try to bend others to your tiny reality. The Universal Mind (One Soul) is larger than your belief system.

You can't trap the truth in your lifetime. You can hunt for the truth and learn many things as you search for that fantasy that you think is the truth.

In my current view of the universe, all things are equal. I am no better than anything else in the universe and I am no less. I am all the good in the universe and all the evil. I long for a universe bond in love and not hate. I try never to hate and hope I can replace pity where hate lives.

The Half of Forever People are known as Gays in this lifetime. Somewhere in the multiverse the One Soul moves from male to female. A bridge is formed between the two great politics of nature and some people are a reflection of that bridge.

Black Void Visions

The above photo is a mistake. A person bumped me in a museum when I was taking a picture of an Oscar. This blurred image reminds me of the start of what I call a Black Void Vision.

I've had four Black Void Visions in my lifetime.

1. The Burning House; I see a home burn three hours before the house burns to the ground.

2. Falling Skywalks; I see skywalks fall in a hotel two weeks before the tragic loss of life.

3. Hung Slaves: I see four hung slaves in a vision of the past.

4. The Body; I see a dead woman in a location I know hours before the police find her body.

Two visions were of the future. One was of a forgotten past. One was of a hidden present.

Why did I have these visions?

Blue Bottles and the Odd Eye

I'm working on a script that may or may not be called Blue Bottles. I'm writing as fast as I can on many scripts because so many people are moving to LA that I want to work with.

The other thing that is on my mind a lot of late is my full vision in my left eye.

From 1975 till February of 2010 I was missing some vision in my left eye and I'm having trouble accepting it came back to me in a second.

It's May 3rd as I write this and I just finished the ninth draft (hand written) of Blue Bottles.

I created a mythology for the script that turned out to be folklore that is hundreds of years old.

Years ago I heard a story about bottle trees on NPR. I only caught the last few minutes of the broadcast and spun a mythology out of that for my script. All the stuff I made up to fill the gaps of what I heard turned out to be part of old pagan beliefs. A bit of luck on my part.

Yesterday (May 2nd) in a rain storm I found out why my new old vision had been making me sick. On overcast days I can see floater in my left eye. Pieces of my retina broke lose from my car wreak and cloud my vision. Most of the time I don't notice this but with my expanded vision I see more of these floaters. Not complaining as I'm glad to have it back.

I Dream of Dragons

In the fire of my anger I dream of dragons. My enemy is myself as I face the fear within me in hate torn streams of a broken soul. Where is the peace I yearn for? Where is the laughing joy I know in the center of the mirror of a lake?

The dragon looks at me, daring me to unleash it onto the tiny worlds of revenge I create in the darkest corners of my being. Then I forgive and the dragon fades. I forgive for myself and not for those who wrong me. I forgive to save my soul and no one else. For I only have the power to save myself.