Empire of Ego

I am the center of the universe, well so are you. We all find ourselves at the center of the universe.
This cosmic joke on every living thing makes for a empire of ego in each of us.

My empire of ego must fall if I'm going to make something out of my life this late in my life.
I must be what I was meant to be and not what I want to be. Letting go of a lifetime of negative emotions is the first step.

Trying to forgive and not feel hate is a struggle. So many of my family are waiting for my parents to die to try to steal what money they can from me. I'm trying to turn my anger against my aunts and uncles to pity.

I know my sons will help me fend off these thieves as I grieve but I fear my own ego will unleash all the ugly family secrets at my aunts and uncles without my parents to stop me.

Buying too many presents for my grandchildren has made me see how out of control my ego is.
I didn't want my ex-wife and her husband to have better presents than me. I didn't realize why I was buying all presents until I had already wrapped all the toys.

I wanted this to be a big Christmas because I feel my health may limit how many more Christmas holidays I'll have. My third near death experience only a few days ago has made me take a hard look at my life. Do I let my ego rule me or do I try to become the best person I can be?

My ego doesn't want to know the answer to the question; Did I have a heart attack in my sleep?

I should have gone to the hospital that night but I don't trust doctors. As a child a sadist doctor tortured me ( I'll be telling this tale in a post called 'Bully Doctor') both mentally and physically.
I didn't get the help I needed after my car wreck and the doctor that rebuilt my nose almost killed me by accident.

I know there are many good doctors in the world but I've meet so many bad ones. I must keep my ego as small as possible and go see a doctor. I hope the doctor doesn't have an ego problem like me.