Monday, August 31, 2009

Tales of the Rewired Mind

If I could put into words how my mind works but I can't. Should I even try?

As a small boy I lived in a magical world where every living thing was surrounded in bright colors that I later called Soul Colors. I could see colors that other people couldn't and I soon learned not to talk about things the rest of my small town world didn't know.

In church there was talk of only one life to live and this confused me because I could remember other lives.

1. The Scribe with cursed words.
2. The Welsh boy warrior who died under a Roman boot.
3. The Artist that died by his own hand.
4. The Cameraman of the silent era.
5. The Spin Doctor of the FDR era.
6. Living this life somehow for a second time.
7. A Farmer on the Green Pyramid. A life in the deep past or far future.

Is any of this part of a greater reality or just part of a giant imagination? I don't know.

All this seems more real than reality but I can't even prove it to myself so why should anyone else believe it?

I was a little boy with my Aunt Audrey and she slammed on the brakes of the pickup she was driving. My head slammed into the hard metal dash of the pickup and my childhood ended.

I woke from a forever sleep and heard my parents talk about how bad I looked from the hallway.
I could see my own swollen forehead, I was four years old.

My spirit friends no longer came and played with me. I could no longer see the Soul Colors.
The color of my world dulled and flowers were not as bright. The magic was gone and for a while I believed the teachings of my church.

I was 14 years old and a voice in my head told me I would lose my left arm someday if I forgot the warning that was given me. The voice was mine but older.

I was 17 years old and I died in a car wreck in one universe and found heaven. I returned to this universe I call the Broken Mirror Universe. I saw impossible things and remember impossible things. No words can describe what I saw in my mind's eye. My imagination became a fragment of infinity.

Impossible things began to happen. I could sometimes hear other people thoughts. Sometimes I would know things before they happened and I was always attracted to disaster.

I could taste pain in others. I could see the Soul Colors again. I could change the river of time.

I remembered the warning I gave myself from the future and saved my left arm. I cut my left hand with a rusty knife when I had a case of the flu. When I went to ER and the doctor said I was hours away from losing my left arm. I was going to wait till the next day until I remembered the warning I gave myself.

Before this saving of my left arm, I had always viewed my visions as a curse. More often than not the visions would be wrong and I learned to keep quiet about these mind twisting waking dreams until my first Black Void Vision.

My first Black Void Vision was of a fire at my girlfriend's house. Three hours before the fire burned the house to the ground, I saw it in my head. I saw the single candle that started the fire surrounded by the burning house.

My second Black Void Vision was the most accurate of all my visions. I was on the sky-walk of the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Kansas City Missouri when I had the vision of me being only a spirit in a black void watching the sky-walks fall on top of each other as I touched the very rod that was the weak link in the design. I told two members of the hotel staff that the sky-walk was going to fall in two weeks. In two weeks when the sky-walk fell I heard on TV that several people had told the staff they had a premonition the sky-walk would fall with the dancers on it.

I could go on with the spirit side of things but I've told those tales in other parts of this blog.

Now for the rational side of things. Am I just some kind of high functioning crazy?

A twenty year headache and more things wrong with my mind than I care to admit too.
Is my imagination projecting into my reality? Does my mind weave a fantasy world for my ego to feed on?

I think there is truth in both views of my reality. If I don't have a witness to my telling of a vision then it is is only a half truth at best because of my poor memory. I told several people about my second Black Void Vision but the first, I told no one till after it happened. Did it happen?

Yes, I believe it happened. I can't explain away many things that have happened to me over the years with science that believes in an accidental universe over eons of time.

Here are a few medical problems I've had over the years.

1. After a car wreak in 1975 I have a terrible headache that last over 20 years and seizures everyday for 15 years.

2. My sense of smell comes and goes.

3. I have vision distortion in my right eye until I read an article in the 1990's about wearing blue lens glasses to cure this condition. I wear blue hex glasses for six months and it cures this condition. My friends just thought I was trying to be cool.

4. From 1975 till 2002 I have times when I forget everything. When under extreme stress I have total memory lost. For up to three minutes at a time I can't remember my name or anything else.

5. I have a dead spot in my brain and when I think certain thoughts I pass out. I also call this spot in my brain the Soul Gate as it is my source for my visions. Imagine a black hole in your mind and you can play on the event horizon and imagine anything. This part of my mind is healing fast and I'm coming to an end to my extreme visions.

6. When punched in my left shoulder It would feel like someone was sticking a knife into my left eye. I got into more than one fight when some jerk punched me on the truck docks of my youth.

Time to move on:)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The First Fall

"You won't have time to give her the shot! She delivers quick after her water breaks!"

"Shut up! Your just the father and I'm a doctor..."

My second son is born. His head misses the needle of the syringe held in the doctor's hand by less than a inch. My newborn son falls towards the floor. The so called doctor drops the syringe and catches my son three inches from the floor.

As my son fell from his mother I see that he is a boy. I am standing 15 feet away from this bungee jump delivery. I have been arguing for hours with people that had no business calling themselves doctors.

Seven hours earlier I'm in the delivery room.

Next to the birthing room was the delivery room (Babies weren't delivered in the delivery room).
A doctor walks in smoking a pipe and my very pregnant wife of a few hours into the past of my second son's birth turns green.

"Get out!"

"Do you know who I am?"

"I don't care who you are or what your title is! Get out of this room with that pipe!"

"I'll be back, this is my hospital!"

"I'm your boss. You work for me. I'm firing you! Find me a doctor that isn't a idiot with a smoking pipe!"

The doctor with a smoking pipe didn't come back but he convinced 40 doctors that my unborn son was dying and I was endangering the child by my attitude towards him.

This was of course a lie as he never examined my wife and I refused to let him or any doctor do an emergency C-section on my wife with no proof she needed one.

I was in a war of words and threats to save the life of my child. I believe the Smoking Pipe Doctor would kill my child out of spite because I dared insulted him.

"If you don't calm down sir, I'll call the police and have you removed from the hospital."

"I have done nothing wrong today. How many laws have you broken in the last few hours."

Doctor after doctor tried to intimidate with lies and I threw the truth back in their faces.

Finally one good doctor came and induced labor. He was a enemy of the smoking pipe doctor and was called from vacation to handle the mess the fool had made.

The good doctor had left to return to his vacation and a group of fools delivered my son.

The student doctor that caught my son inches from the floor began to brag about delivering his first baby and then a few minutes later began to make fun of my wife and I for being poor.

He complained about how little money he was going to make off my wife and I with our low income plan. I finally lost my temper and asked the student doctor to step outside.

"Are you threatening me?"

"It's more like a promise to show you how I can put the tip of your nose on your right cheek bone. All day long my wife and I have been insulted and I believe you would be wise not to say another word to either one of us."

Somehow my son survived that birthday. I remember the student doctor walking away without saying another word. Years later the hospital closed and the building was demolished.

My youngest son Micheal Sterling Vollrath turned 26 the day I began to write this post.

Weekend Time Traveler

Friday I'm in the 1940's watching a gumshoe detective dance with a woman in red in the headlights of a 1941 fully tricked out Chevy car.

Saturday I'm in the old west in front of a Saloon watching a gun fight play out between two men over a woman.

Sunday I watch a tribe of cave men as two of them fight over a mate in prehistoric times.

The truth is I'm not time traveling at all. I'm working on two different productions of short movies.

It was fun and I learned from other directors but now I must focus on my own productions as I travel into my own future.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Laughing Heaven

I had a vision and then another. My imagination is evolving towards the positive and the Red Dragon that was my anger died.

The second vision was a life without anger. A vision of peace within myself.

In the last few weeks, I've been called the greatest of all losers by a young man behind my back and slandered to my face by a friend of the richest woman of the area I live in.

I am still slandered by the rich and powerful at their dinner parties and that no longer has any effect on me. I have went from anger to pity for such silly word of mouth games and now don't even find humor in such stupidity.

To those who slander me;
Your millions and billions of dollars are worthless imaginary constructions that have no value in the afterlife. Perhaps you see me as the poor and uneducated man that has no right to speak against your grand plans of wealth and control. I am no better than you but you are no better than me. All life is equal in the universe and has value beyond any false wealth or trivia.

The same young man called the woman I love the meanest name that can be cast down upon the female ego. I almost became angry and then somehow turned from this anger and walked the path of forgiveness.

In this same time period of three weeks, my 80 year old mother had an accident and lost a quarter of her teeth destroying her beautiful smile. My mother's sister in an act of cruelty tricked my mother into going to the farm office to sign papers that didn't need signing so her broken smile would be seen in public. My mother and aunt own a farm together and over the years since my grandmother died I've seen this cruelty from both my aunt and uncle many times.

I didn't get angry at my aunt but only felt the deepest of pity for her.

At 51 years of age I'm finally growing up. How heaven must laugh at the folly that is life.

I've went down the wrong path in life too many times. I've done the negative thing because I felt the positive way was too hard or won't be as popular. I was lying to myself.

I must tell positive stories that will inspire people and not mock people with different belief systems. As I edit my last movie I know it was a wrong turn but I will finish it and enter it in film festivals as I owe it to the actors that worked on the movie.

I will do a collection of short movies about Heaven. It will be a path towards the positive.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

New Directions

I've decided to go a new direction in my life. I'm going to reach for the big dreams with all the energy I can find within myself but I will no longer try to do everything myself.

I'm giving up on fine art and museum exhibits. I will use past works in both areas to tell stories in many ways.

I've decided to give up on trying to have a personal relationship with a woman until I start making a steady income.

My weak business skills must become stronger and I am going to work towards learning as much as I can in the coming months.

Rose Pearl will be my last fine art painting. I will finish my graphic novel this month.

I am writing a first draft of a feature length script. I will have that first draft finished next month.

Finally I will push myself as hard as I can to finish a first draft of my novel Grandfather Green Tie and the Invisible Picnic. I took a wrong turn in this novel and it is taking some time to undo the damage my own ego did to this book.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Firewire 800

I feel like my blog is dying. I have secrets I can't write about and I'm too tired to write anything most of the time. I haven't been able to load pictures or video with my new computer.

I'm hitting a wall of technology I haven't dealt with before. Most of all I need a Firewire 800 so I can load my new movie to edit it.

Secrets, so many beautiful secrets. I can't tell you no matter how much I want too.

I love people and life more than anything as I finally come out of my shell.

Monday, August 3, 2009

A Fawn and a Farewell

I'm driving into Kansas City on 71 highway toward a long overdo return to movie making.
I look to my left and see a dead doe by the side of road with a young fawn trying to wake the dead deer mother with a nose. The fawn is fragile and perfect with the white spots of youth. My heart goes out to this babe by the side of the opposite direction I'm going. I could save this bit of nature only inches away from death.

Guilt swells in me as I don't turn off the off ramp at the next overpass. I have a movie to make and promises to keep.

More to come......This story takes place on August 2nd.

Sorry I'll be a while getting back to this. I'm on a short sleep vacation.

I got to the location still thinking about the fawn. As I waited to be let into the American Ice Co. building (an old ice storage building turned into offices and apartments) I saw a crippled cat that I later learned was called Tripod. The cat had a broken third leg but was well feed so he or she didn't need my help. If Bambi hadn't been my favorite movie as a child maybe I could think about the movie instead of that helpless fawn.

More to come.....

I was there early and in about a half hour David Winger showed up to let me in. David Winger is the President of the IFC (Independent Filmmakers Coalition of Kansas City) He rents a light kit to me as well as stingers (Sandbags to hold the lights down) and extension cords. He gives me access to an upstairs office that is my set as well as a way in and out of the building. Before he leaves he leans me a mic, just in case my DP forgets his.

More to come.....

Antoine calls me on my cell phone and ask if the anyone has shown up yet. I said no and told him I believed everyone would be on set soon. Everyone did show up and all went better than planed. The kissing scene between Antoine and Amanda had the passion I had hoped for.

As the production ended I said a farewell to Amanda as she was moving to Florida in two days.

Seldom do you get the cast you saw in your head when you wrote the script and a crew of two that go above and beyond the small pay they were given.

Note I made a mistake in this post as Stingers are extension cords;)

Sunday, August 2, 2009


Can't sleep. Worried I don't remember how to direct a narrative movie. Keep thinking of things I need to cut out of the script. Need sleep.