The Light

Eleven days before Christmas 1975 and the last day before the winter break, I stood on the bleachers in the Kingsville High School gym looking down on the two teenagers playing Santa and Mrs. Claus.

"Mrs. Claus looks pregnant doesn't she Robert?"

Said Mike with a smirk. James stood behind Mike laughing at the sight of Clayton the school jock in Santa garb with his cheerleader girlfriend. Reta was thin and pretty with a pillow stuffed under the Mrs. Claus costume to make her look fat but it only made her look pregnant.

"I'm going home."

As I left the gym I saw the thin red haired freckled face James and the stocky dark haired Mike still on the top bleacher making fun of Reta being pregnant. Reta wasn't pregnant of course, she just made a bad costume choice. I was the class clown of the Seniors but I knew there were things you just didn't make fun of in a small town of 200. A young woman being pregnant was on the top of the list. Rumors spread like wildfire in Kingsville and a joke could become a false fact in gossip circles.

The last day of school before the Christmas break and after lunch the high school students could leave at any time. Before I left the gym I took one last look at Clayton as Santa Claus. He had just finished with the kindergarten children and now the first graders were taking turns sitting on his lap. I wanted to play Santa Claus and was jealous of Clayton. I was an only child and could count the number of times I was jealous on one hand. Clayton came from a large family and seemed like a very jealous person. If he knew how I felt would he enjoy my jealousy?

Time to go, I was depressed because I broke up with my girlfriend Gail. No that wasn't true, I hadn't had the courage to break up with her. She wanted to talk about our relationship and I was
sure she was going to break up with me. I stopped calling her and she never called me back.
I loved her but I couldn't bear the thought she didn't love me. I was such a coward and everyone knew it. When I was young a family member was murdered in a fit of anger and I vowed never to hurt anyone. I took many a beating because of that vow and I had fought back and hurt people.

I was a coward because I fought back and not because I didn't. I walked across the school grounds to my baby blue 69 Mustang. I got into my car and the moment my butt hit the seat I heard a voice in the back of my head.

"Put your seatbelt on."

This was just great, not only was I depressed and without a girlfriend but now I was going crazy.
Alright fragment of my own mind I'll put my seatbelt on. As I click the seatbelt together I realized I hadn't wore a seatbelt since I stop talking to Gail. I didn't want to think what that meant. I started up the car and before I pulled out of the high school parking lot, I thought about putting my shoulder belt on. On a 69 Mustang the shoulder belt was separate and was always a mess to fold back into place.

"I don't need it."

I said to myself but I had always talked to myself so that wasn't any crazier than I had ever been. I decided to drive to Warrensburg to buy a Christmas Tree. I took a left on Adractic and a right on Olive and drove the three short small town blocks to the other side of town. I waited for traffic to clear between Stahl's Aluminum Casting Company and Shull's General Store. I turned right onto 58 highway and drove out of town. A mile out of town I drove pass the missile base to my right that made Kingsville a ground zero in my cold war childhood. As I watched the missile base grow small in my rear view mirror, I thought about the Cuban Missile crisis and how it had given me so many nightmares as a child. My father worked indirectly for the Department of Defense and the Nuclear Military Complex. As a small child I knew duck and cover was a lie.

I drove past the farm equipment sales lot to my left two miles outside of Kingsville as I made made the first curve between my town and the town of Holden another three miles away.
I should have let my father pay for power steering as my baby blue car was a bear to turn.
Past the Salvage Yard to my left and then past Jeff's house to my right.

Jeff and I had been friends until I broke his nose in a fight. Jeff wasn't a big guy and I was the big guy any little guy could smack around. I lost count how many times Jeff gave me a bloody nose. After one day of Jeff smacking me around I woke up the next day with half my bed and my pillow soaked in blood. About two months ago we got in a fight over a drafting problem. It started out as a shoving match in the school's shop and then I realized how silly it was.

"Jeff I won't fight you."

"I never backed down from you and I won't now!"

Jeff said as he started slapping at me. I easily blocked all his slaps.

"Jeff I'll lay your nose on the side of your face if you hit me!"

"You don't scare me Robert! I'm going to kick your ass!"

Jeff slapped harder and I blocked faster. I was angry at all the nose bleeds he gave me. I wasn't going to do it I just wanted to scare him into stopping the fight.

"Jeff I will lay your nose on the side of your face if you hit me!"

"You're a coward Robert, nobody is scared of you!"

I put my hands down.

"I won't fight you Jeff."

With his open left hand he hit my right cheek as hard as he could. I smelled blood in my nose and saw red. Without thinking my right fist made contact with his nose. The sound of his nose breaking was horrible. As I pulled my fist back I saw that I had put his nose on the right side of his face as the tip of his nose touched his right cheek bone. Without thinking again I grabbed his jaw in my right hand and with my left hand set his nose. The sound of me setting his nose was worst than the breaking of it. I stepped back from Jeff and he didn't say anything as his nose gushed blood. He ran out of the shop to the restroom. Why didn't I just take the slap and walk away?

I rounded the second curve on the way to Holden. Dad had tried to talk me into letting him put a power steering unit on the car but I was too proud to take it. On tight corners I felt the strain in my wrists. Two large fields were on either side of me as I drove into Holden. In the downtown part of Holden there were farmers in bib overhauls standing on the street corners and a shoe shine man waiting for the few customers coming out of the barber shop that wanted a shine.
I snaked my way through Holden and as I left the town behind me I began to think about Christmas. I loved decorating the tree.

Eight miles east of Holden on 58 highway was a sharp turn that everyone of course called
'The Eight Mile Curve'. My foot was lead and with my powerless steering could barely hold the car on the road. A mile down the road I flipped my beautiful 69 Mustang end over end down a 15 foot embankment just before you came to a small bridge.

I was moving down a tunnel of light to a brighter light when my beloved pet sparrow George flew by me. A wisp of light was George but I was happy to see him. His death was the end of my childhood. He flew ahead of me into the brighter light. My two favorite dogs Duke and Brownie now guided me towards the light. I went into the light and found my Grandmother English waiting for me. Her dress was made out of the brightest white light and her hair was pure white.

"You must go back Bobby."

"Why , it's so beautiful here."

"Children and Grandchildren are in your future."

I awoke in an ambulance with the sirens blaring. A para-medic leaned over me and said;

"Don't worry you're not going to die!"

I touched the swollen blob in the middle of my face with my right hand and thought that it served me right for breaking Jeff's nose.

Next Post; George Flew