Saturday, March 26, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I don't know. Most of the events in our world are a mystery to me. Does anyone know for a fact all possible outcomes of anything?
Someone I know wrote; "All Republicans love war." on a facebook wall.
I never thought of this person as a bigot before but that statement was ugly and stupid. My mother is a Republican and I know she doesn't love war. This made made me think of my own ugly and stupid words that I have said or written. I then wrote the " I Bigot" post.
I think my own answer to most political debate is "I don't know."
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I love all the people of the world. I even love people that hate me. If you know me and I have ever said anything to hurt you, I ask that you forgive me.
I have a strong belief of what is right and wrong that makes me a bigot sometimes. I am not perfect and I don't even believe in the concept of perfect but many times I believe I know the answers to things I don't.
I am tired of people talking down one another and have found myself doing that more than I wish. Are any of us God and know all things?
The picture of Cici and my Grand Daughter makes me wish the two of them never have to know a world of bigotry.
Monday, March 21, 2011
See the above photo with my son, I'm happy in that photo.
Now look at the photos for "Its none of your business?" and "Why not sue me?"posts.
I'm just as happy in those two photos. They are bad pictures because I was taking the pictures myself. I look angry in those photos but I'm not. The photos were taken months before I wrote those posts. I saved those photos for an angry post but I wasn't angry when I wrote those posts. I knew part of my blog would be censored someday as it has been in the past.
I thought when I was hacked through a link that part of my blog would be gone. I waited till I was happy to write those angry posts. Why? To prove a point. You can't trust the media, mine or anyone else. Every word in those two posts were true but my photos and my mood while writing those posts was a lie.
I was angry when I thought up the post for "Its none of your business" but not when I wrote it. I don't write when I'm angry anymore, even if I am a better speller when I'm angry.
Its hard to find the truth in a world full of propaganda.
If I have slandered you or libeled you, why don't you sue me? Why do you hide behind mountains of money like cowards afraid of a few words on a blog? I'm sure you could win in court just as I'm sure that someday you'll censor this post.
You own the police, the media and the courts. Is your house of cards so fragile that a few words on a blog could be a danger to you?
I would believe that this is just a paranoid fantasy that I created in my own imagination but your actions keep proving the truth of a few words on a blog.
To the man that tried to put me in prison on false assault charges, I still bank at one of the banks owned by your family.
To the man that owns the property a city landmark sits on and can no longer get as much corporate welfare as he once did, I still buy your holiday products.
To the woman that may or may not have had two union goons chase me across the city of my birth, I still believe in unions.
Why not sue me?
A large part of my blog is gone. Who censored it? I don't know.
The parts of the blog that was censored by "I don't know who", were politically charged. Freedom of Speech seems more like a joke every day to me. The part of the blog that was censored was censored before, back in 2007.
Part of what I wrote must have been the truth.
What is dying? What is the soul?
I've had several near deaths in this life.
I've have past life memories.
I've have many visions.
I'm a sceptic of myself.
Where does reality end and my imagination begin?
Do we believe what we find comfort in?
I went into the light before I knew there were other people that had seen that light.
Does being a sceptic mean I must believe in a random reality?
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The history of movies changed today and no one noticed.
Today I created the first Creative Interactive Movie. I changed the way a movie at the theater was projected.
As I bought my ticket I saw a movie poster of Conan The Barbarian (2011). That was my in.
People that work at movie theaters are bored out of there minds for most of the day. So I set myself up for a joke on myself.
The power to manipulate people is a curse and a blessing. You can trick people into doing the right thing or you can ruin a life with a mean spirited joke. I have some rules for playing with some ones reality.
1. I can't tell a lie.
2. I can't ask anyone to do something that might get them in trouble.
3. I can plant a seed of imagination and nothing more.
I tell one of the projectionist how I was trapped in a movie theater all day as they keep putting the reels of the Original Conan The Barbarian in backwards and upside down. The film played upside and in reverse many times that day.
I then make a small scene that the price of drinks is too high. I go see my movie (The Lincoln Lawyer). I'm first into the theater so the young projectionist will have time to react to my Jedi Mind Trick.
I don't know if the trick will work as I watch one trailer after another. I think I lost my touch as the trailers play out and its time for "The Lincoln Lawyer", then the trailer for the new Conan The Barbarian play upside down and backwards.
It was so much fun that I laughed out loud. I was the only one that was laughing.
Now if I can give everyone the power to change the movie they watch. All I need is a few million dollars.
The story about the original Conan movie is true. That is rule number one.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I believe in Time Travel, Mind Reading and Group Minds.
No, I have no proof.
I am a sceptic of myself.
As a child I was given an IQ test. I did very poorly on that test getting a very low number but the man that gave be the test did not think I was retarded because of one part of the test. I got a perfect score on one part of that IQ test.
1863, a year of burning hell as I watch four people hang from a burning ruins.
I am a scribe and am full of joy as the electricty in the air makes the hair on my arms stand on end. I breath in the fog of the Gods belching from the three pyramids. The Gods walk among us as the seeds of dogma mix with the air born drugs.
I watch an electric jet plane fly over my house with my oldest son. In that moment I know that the Air Force is flying planes with atomic reactors.
I sleep in the cool green pyramids of a future Earth.
What was that part of the IQ test that I scored a perfect score ?
Friday, March 18, 2011
I'm angry. I haven't been angry about anything in a very long time. I took a day off from writing, graphic novels and everything else. A family member wanted to know the name of the woman I went to see today.
"Its none of your business."
The family member got angry at me.
"What do you mean its none of my business?"
I made jokes about it but never answered the question.
I'm tired of the hate speech, the mean gossip and the ugly rumors. I'm tired of people who take such great joy in thinking the worst of me. I'm tired of small minded people with so much hate in their hearts trying to destroy my life.
Why not work on your own life? Why don't you look for the good in people?
I forgive you but I'm tired of playing your sick game.
Its none of your business.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Location Scouting is the best part of making a movie. As I write to location this is the first moment the movie has any reality for me and the story is always born out of location. The above photo is a cabin in my home county and the site of what I hope will be my next movie ( a western ). Walking around the property and talking to the owner was fun. I'm so tired of writing scripts.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
"I like robots Grandpa."
My Grand Daughter looks at me with eyes that say her world is bigger than Doll Houses and Dolls.
"I like dinosaurs too."
As a Grandpa I forget that girls can like anything and be anything today.
"I like robots and dinosaurs too. Would you like to play with some robot toys?"
We play with some toy robots and the next day at a thrift store my Grand Daughter buys a Batgirl Doll and a 50 cent VHS copy of Jurassic Park.
Grandpas can be taught new ways to think about Grand Daughters and should be. Thanks Grand Daughter, lesson learned.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The above picture is a blur but this is the way my toy booth looks at the moment. I have given up on the concept of having an Imagination Center in favor of a Toy Store.
In four months I've went from renting a shelf to 90 square feet. For two of those months I had 30 square feet and a shelf.
Thanks Golden Unicorn in Holden Missouri for letting me expand my playground.
My eyes hurt.
My mind hurts.
266 pages. Is that all? Not enough for three features. Yesterday I passed out in front of my 82 year old mother. I hurt.
It was a nightmare of writing and I was awake and trapped in it. I can't spell. No that's not true. I can spell when I'm very angry.
I'm a Grand Father and can't be angry anymore. I hurt and the pain is more than I can bear but I must bear it for I am a Grand Father.
"You are retarded". How many times have i heard that?
"You are a Genius." How many times have I heard that?
What I am, is a human being trying as hard as he can. I am the smartest dumb person I know. I do my best. Its all I can do.
"You're not trying hard enough. You use your car wreak as an excuse. You just need to try harder."
Said to me by someone I love. I hurt.
The 'p', 'd', 'b' all look the same to me. My field of vision flips. My head feels like it's going to explode. My chest feels like it's going to explode. I pass out in front of my 82 year old mother and she cries. All because I write and it hurts.
I'm not a writer, I know that. I am a storyteller, but I must write to tell my stories. God it hurts so much!
Its not that car wreak I have flash backs to but the operation.
The doctor puts his knee on my chest as I lie on the operation table. I am awake as no drug can put me to sleep. I keep quiet as I need my nose pulled out of my brain. The doctor raises a pink rubber mallet and slams it down on my nose. I don't care because I feel no pain. The doctor breaks my nose over and over again.
"Why is that rubber mallet pink? It looks like my auto body mallet that is white. Could they use my auto body mallet? They could cut my left arm off now and I wouldn't care. Maybe that's how I lose my left arm. The doctors find out I'm awake and it makes them mad and they cut my arm off to teach me a lesson. Why is that mallet pink? I've lost count how many times he broke my nose with that mallet. Why is that mallet pink? I'm bored, I should take a nap."
In the darkness is the other me. The dead me.
"Stay asleep. You don't need to watch this." says dead me.
"Are they cutting my arm off?"
I wake up but is is hard to see. My nose is wide. There is metal on or by my face, no both. The doctor has a chisel in my nose.
I hear the sound of the doctor cutting my nose lose from my skull. The doctor is finished.
"I'm stepping back to let the neurosurgeon have access."
A doctor I never met before steps into my field of view. He has what looks like needle nose pliers but with flat paddles. He reaches into my spread out nose. Stretched out by metal re-tractors the doctor has no problem pulling the inside of my nose out of my brain.
After I am released from the hospital I have an appointment with the doctor.
"You will for the rest of your life have a chance of having strokes."
Not something a 17 year old wants to hear.
Before I'm 30 years old I have a massive stroke. The left side of my body is paralyzed for 8 hours. The two doctors that gave me the drug overdose that caused the stroke discus who is going to take the blame for my death but I don't die. For years the left side of my body is numb. Sometimes I get cuts on my left arm or leg and don't feel it.
2002, I have a stroke and forget everything. For three minutes I'm little more than a animal and have no words to think with.
2010, I have a stroke two days before Christmas.
I forget how to draw and write. I must learn everything again. I must finish a script that is three scripts. I can't do simple math even now.
I call it a memory drop because I am ashamed that my mind is so weak that I have strokes. I don't take drugs to repair my mind. I use my imagination to heal my mind and rewire my brain as best I can.
Nothing hurts more than writing. It is a dagger in my mind but I write anyway.
"You're not trying hard enough."
To the the person that said that to me; I forgive you and pray you never know how wrong you are.
I'm a writer with a broken brain and I'm trying as hard as I can.
I knew the day would come when I was asked the question.
Not yet four years old my Grand Daughter asked the question; Why leave Grandma?
I did not use the words "divorce" or "ex-wife" in my answer.
"Your Grandma Jackie and I still love each other but my love of art became too much for her and her love of pets became too much for me. So we parted friends. I am so happy I married your Grandma Jackie because she gave me my sons, your Uncle Mark and your daddy. Then the greatest joys of my life came when you were born and seven weeks later your cousin Denver."
She smiles and leans forward to give me a kiss on my right cheek and goes back to playing with her dolls.